Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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