Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
