My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ruined the universe
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
