U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
