Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
