Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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