If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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