I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
