you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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