did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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