im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
false alarm, still single
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
