And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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