Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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