I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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