I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
