we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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