This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
