I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
