okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
