Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
