like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
