Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
