On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
