Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
