my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
