How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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