She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
