My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
