using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
