1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize