If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is Oprah even human
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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