I skipped work to stalk him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
