Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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