hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
