I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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