there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
