so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
