the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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