I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
