I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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