whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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