I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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