Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
