Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
