he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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