I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Even my vagina gasped.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
