one two three fourrrrnication!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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