Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
