I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
