Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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