you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
