when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
