That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
