it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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