If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
