your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
