Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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