my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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