I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
false alarm, still single
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
